American Girl

Today is my daughter's 8th birthday.  Kathy and I are usually pretty low key about birthday parties, or more to the point, we are generally too lazy to make the arrangements to actually make them happen.  So for Becca's 8th, we let her invite a friend over to spend the night last night, and this morning we took a trip to the American Girl Doll store in Denver.

I'm not an expert at all in the ways of the American Girl doll, but from what I can gather, the dolls can be designed to look more or less like the girl who is buying it.  There are all kinds of accessories available for the dolls, and the store even has a little spa in it that will do doll makeovers.  Becca got her doll as a Christmas present last year and plays with it frequently.  The whole thing kind of sounds like an overpriced fad, and it may well be, but that doesn't take away from the fact that I love seeing how my daughter interacts with her doll.  It is probably no different than a million other little girls who have an ingrained mothering instinct that shines through during pretend play with their dolls, but this is MY little girl, so it takes on a little more meaning for me.  It is wild to see her in this light.  We didn't sit down and teach her how to do this stuff.  She just does it, I assume, from what she has observed in her relatively short life.  One day, I'm sure American Girl dolls will seem childish to her just like princesses (which she used to love) seem childish to her now.  In the meantime, more power to her, as I'm sure this is a healthy progression in her life that will one day help her learn to be a good mother to a real child.

As any parent with older kids can tell you, our children grow up so quickly, and I'm by no means the first parent to realize this.  Recently, as Becca was holding my hand as we walked to school, I told her how much I enjoyed holding her hand now because there will probably come a time when she won't be so willing to do that.  She looked at me with a confused look and asked "why?", and I told her that as kids got older, they just tended not to do that kind of thing so much anymore with their parents.  I know this is part of a child's normal progression to becoming an independent teenager and adult, and it is hard sometimes to think about what that transition will bring.  But today, the thought of not wanting to hold my hand doesn't even cross her mind, and I like that.  I've read that daughters who are close to their fathers during childhood tend not to act out as much in those transition years as daughters who were not as close to their fathers.  I really hope that is the case, and I really hope I've established that close relationship with my daughter now.  And every day I walk to school holding her hand, it will remind me that I must be doing something right.  And I like that.

My son and Tae Kwon Do

My son, daughter and I currently are studying Tae Kwon Do at Alpha Martial Arts here in Longmont.  Yesterday, my son tested for his orange belt (which is the 5th of about 15 belts at this school on the way to black belt).  Anyone who knows Aaron knows that he can be a very, let's just say "challenging", kid to deal with.  Yes, yes, I know, "aren't all kids at that age challenging to deal with?"  Sure they are, but Aaron presents some challenges that are a little beyond your typical 11 year old, as anyone with a child who has an autism spectrum disorder can attest to.  He tends to either lose focus on things he is supposed to be doing, or is hyper focused on things like television or video games.  He has trouble handling situations that don't go the way he wants them to or the way he thinks they should (and by "trouble handling", I'm literally talking throw yourself on the floor, kick and scream at the top of your lungs, full out tantrums.  Last week's lasted 40 minutes at school I was told).  If it doesn't involve one of a couple of major interests that he has, he tends not to spend much time trying to be good at it.

Of course, it could be a lot worse, and I have to remind myself of that when I get a phone call from the school in which I hear his screaming in stereo through the handset and from the school itself which is two blocks away.  At least he can function on his own.  And when he wants to be, he is one of the most polite kids I know.  Needless to say, when he did his TKD testing yesterday, I wasn't expecting too much.  TKD is not an area of interest that he dwells on.  He says he likes it, and it is usually no problem getting him to go to classes, but a lot of times I think he just goes through the motions.  But again, it could be worse...at least he is here willingly.  He is a little clumsy and lanky, and his technique is not terribly crisp yet (and since he is just a high yellow belt, I don't expect it to be).    But when he went through his testing, he shined.  He was focused.  And whenever he kicked or punched, the yell or "kiyap" that came out his mouth was quite simply awesome.

I think every parent says they are proud of their kid when they do some activity or sport, and of course I am too, but I struggle sometimes to see things he does as really, TRULY great.  Yes, I feel guilty for feeling this way, and I try not to let it effect my parenting decisions and actions with him, but I'm also a realist, and although of course I love my son and am proud of what he does, he truly is just not that athletic, and it shows when he does physical activity.  So when I can find something physical that he does that makes ME go "wow!", that's a huge deal.  And this weekend, I said wow many times. 

I think one of the more difficult aspects of martial arts is channeling your energy, and in TKD, one way we do that is by kiyapping.  You might be surprised just how hard it is for people, especially adults, to learn to actually just let go and kiyap from their core to allow themselves to really channel that strength and energy when they strike.  Many people sound like they are forcing it (if they do it at all)...after all, most of us find it uncomfortable to yell loudly on purpose, particularly in a room full of people.  Aaron is not one of those people however.  He truly has one of the best kiyaps I've heard from anyone in TKD.  He doesn't sound like he is just trying to scream, like younger kids tend to do.  And it obviously is coming from deep in his belly.  He sounds powerful.  He sounds focused.  Truly a thing of beauty, and I don't think I'm just being a biased parent.

Martial arts is a huge part of my life, and I'm glad my kids are doing it with me.  And I'm not just proud of how Aaron did in his testing, but I was truly impressed and got several compliments on how he did.  Sometimes I have to remind myself that he is unique and has areas in which he excels that might not be so obvious.  I think I'm getting better at realizing that and not getting so frustrated with him, but I know I've got a ways to go yet before I'm where I think I should be.  So this post is going to be tonight's reminder that, although there are things in my life I wish would be different sometimes, I can't argue that overall things are pretty good right now.  And to Aaron:  Good job, buddy!

The Cracks in the Earth

Obviously everyone by now has seen the utter devastation in Japan from the earthquake and tsunami.  Lots of videos floating around, but this one intrigued me.  It doesn't show the massive destruction that so many other videos have shown, but it has some really cool closeups of some smaller cracks forming through some paved paths and sidewalks.  You can actually see the ground moving back and forth. 

And the Earth moved.....

I have only been in one earthquake in my life, in San Diego probably some 20 years ago.  I woke up to the room rocking back and forth, and before I knew what was going on, it was over.  I think it was a magnitude 5. something, so really small, very little damage.  It was still disorienting, so I couldn't even imagine being in a 9.0 that last for over a minute.

Also found an interesting article about why there is so little looting going on in Japan.  If only the citizens of all countries could come together more like this in times of crisis. 

Where are the looters?

 Here is hoping the Japanese people can put their country back together quickly and safely. 

Rudy! Rudy! Rudy!

I think everyone has a movie or two that they can't pass by when they find it playing on TV.  Rudy is one of those movies for me.  This is the ultimate story about overcoming adversity.  Rudy has a dream of playing football for Notre Dame, one of the best programs in the country.  He has all kinds of heart, but not the physical attributes necessary to achieve that goal....or so we think.

Before Rudy graduates, he is denied access to a bus that is taking prospective students to Notre Dame because "some people just aren't cut out to go to college".  So he enrolls at a smaller college literally across the street from Notre Dame.  While in college, he applies to ND several times, and he is turned down every time, except for his last opportunity, in which he is finally accepted.  Hurdle one....overcome.

While at ND, he tries to walk on to the football team.  The prospective players are told that on the team, there are dozens of players on full scholarships who will never even get to play in a game, so they shouldn't even consider making the team.  They try out, and because of his effort, Rudy is invited on the team.  Barely, but he makes it.  Hurdle two...overcome.

After a season of being a tackling dummy for the first stringers and never seeing the field for a game, he convinces his coach to let him dress for one game the following season.  The coach balks, but realizes that Rudy has in fact earned it, so he agrees to let him dress for one game next season.  His hopes raised, he tells his doubting family to be ready next season to watch him play.  He sees his goal in reach.  And then.....

ND hires a new coach.  The goal is gone, but instead of giving up, Rudy continues to bust his ass every day at practice and more than earns the respect of his teammates and coaches (at least the assistant coaches). Each week, he checks to see if his name is on the players list, and it isn't.  Before the final game of the season, with his name still absent from the list, he quits the team before his final practice, because after all, what is the point?  Fortunately, his mentor, the head maintenance man of the stadium, convinces him that if he quits, he'll regret it the rest of his life, so Rudy goes back to his final practice.

In spite of his lack of size and ability, every member of the team bands together before the final game and tells the coach that Rudy should play in his place.  It is team unity at its finest.  And the coach agrees.  Rudy dresses for the final game.  Hurdle three....overcome.

Rudy leads the team on the field but stays on the sideline for the entire game.  ND eventually wraps the game up, and the offense is instructed to take a knee to end the game.  However, the team knows that if the offense is on the field, Rudy won't get to play a down, so they run one final low percentage play...and score a touchdown.  Defense is back on the field, and the team convinces the coach to let Rudy in for the kickoff and the final play.  Hurdle four.....overcome.

Through his effort and dedication, Rudy realized his dream of getting to run out of the tunnel and play in an actual game for his boyhood football idols.  But it didn't end there.  On his only play on defense, Rudy sacks the opposing quarterback to end the game, and he is carried off the field on his teammates' shoulders.  Unexpected hurdle five....overcome by a long shot.

I've probably watched this movie 50 times, and I still get goosebumps every time I see the ending.  This kid had a huge dream, and he worked hard to achieve it.  He didn't ask for special favors, and no one granted him any.  He played by the rules, was knocked down many times, but he got up and kept going.  In the end, things worked out better than he ever could have imagined.  During the time I've been teaching kickboxing, I've had (and continue to have) the pleasure of witnessing many success stories, but an ongoing one is sticking out in my mind right now.  While watching Rudy today (for the second time today, probably time number 53 overall), it struck me just how ridiculous and almost contrived this story of Rudy is, and that there is no way stuff like this happens in real life. 

But it hit me today that I was wrong.  I have a good friend who is currently navigating the Ethiopian adoption process.  I know nothing of the details of this process, but I read her blog religiously, and it reads like Rudy on steroids.  I can't even begin to describe the unbelievable roller coaster ride that this woman and her family have been on.  Hopes up, then dashed.  Up again, then another setback.  Another change of direction, and another roadblock.  This has been going on for two years, and it continues today.  There are so many parallels between her story and Rudy's, and this week, in her real life story, she just got a new coach (figuratively speaking).  Things are looking dark for her, and I'm sure she is full of doubts right now.  But I can't help but see that, just like Rudy, her dream is huge, she continues to put in the effort to realize her dream, and she has an incredible support team that continues to see and admire her.  The movie gives me goosebumps when everything works out for Rudy in the end, and I thoroughly believe that I'll have goosebumps again when her story ends just as spectacularly for her down the road.  Hang in there my friend...your efforts will not go unrewarded.